It's Always Good To Have Goals

I've always been a very goal-oriented person. This may strike some of you as a massive understatement, which is probably true. For me, life has been all about goals. 

In the second grade, I watched Coach K and his Duke team win a National Championship, and my first goal was clear: to go to Duke for college. In the seventh grade, I finalized my career goals: to be a lawyer and, eventually, to be a politician. As long as I can remember, I've had goals that I worked hard to achieve, and I'm happiest when I know I'm progressing toward that desired achievement. 

Last week, I had a consult with my personal trainer, Wayne, and we developed my next fitness goal. We all know that my previous goal, as far as my body was concerned, was to gain back all the weight I lost in the hospital by eating healthy food (and eating a lot of it). That meant fighting a raging metabolism that burned thousands of calories post-surgery and stretching out a stomach that had gotten pretty tiny after "eating" nothing but IV fluids for 2 full weeks. 

I crushed that goal. Gained all 8 pounds lost and 2 more just to show that cancer who's boss. 

What's the new goal, you ask? To gain all the muscle I've lost from my peak physical shape in May of this year. Thankfully, that's only 6.5 pounds. Your gal here was able to keep over 100 pounds of muscle on her frame despite these recent physical struggles, and has lost less than an inch on her biceps and quads. Not bad for someone with Stage IV foolishness, right?

So yes, I've got a new goal - time to bulk up with some sweet lean muscle. Time to get bigger, stronger, and fitter, so that when I go under the knife again in February, I'll be at peak physical condition -- a beast, if you will.

I'm pretty sure that gaining 6.5 pounds of muscle in about 6 weeks will scare the hell out of cancer, and that's exactly what I'm good at.

A Beautiful Birthday

I woke up this morning to 125 birthday messages. Facebook wall posts, emails, e-cards. 125 of them by 9:30am.

This uber-awesome morning surprise set the tone for the day, and the rest of my birthday readily complied.

I had a wonderful day at Disneyland with my mom, Will, and my high school best bud Erin. Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, Big Thunder Mountain, gluten-free pizza at the Pizza Port, that Buzz Lightyear shooting game ride, the Tea Cups (I'm still a little dizzy), Peter Pan, Snow White, Space Mountain, and Nemo's Submarine. 

We took a break in the evening to watch the Duke game at ESPNZone (where my dad joined us), and the Blue Devils delivered a birthday gift to me with a monstrous win. Andre Dawkins made three pointers look like child's play.

I indulged in a chocolate cookie ice cream sundae, too.

Meanwhile, the well wishes continued to flood in all day long. It was hard not to get choked up as I read through all the messages, but I didn't want to be that crybaby kid celebrating her birthday at Disneyland, so I kept it together. 

There was one particularly beautiful moment today. It happened on Space Mountain (how many stories start off like that?!). We were about mid-ride and going pretty fast. Will and I were both howling with delight with arms outstretched above our heads. And for a second, as the air rushed over my face, I closed my eyes and felt enormous gratitude for that moment of life. As I soaked up that moment, all the joy and excitement (and the royal "up yours" I was giving cancer by riding on a roller coaster), I knew in my heart, more than ever, that I was going to be just fine.

A happy birthday indeed.

28 Years Down, 100 To Go

Already feeling the love from friends and family, mere minutes into my 29th birthday. So far, I've had an incredibly wonderful life and I'm truly grateful for every moment of it. I am so filled with love that I don't know if my heart can take any more, but I'm pretty sure it can.

I can't wait to see what each day of my 29th year will bring. I embrace the love, laughter, tears (of joy), struggles (if any), and ultimate triumph over cancer.

In this 29th year, I will become a survivor. And that will be the best birthday gift of all.

More on Living in Super-HDTV

A few weeks ago, I mentioned how my life these days is more vibrant, moving, and beautiful than ever -- that I've been living life in "super-HDTV." This newfound, sinfully rich life I've been living (rich in love, friendship, excitement, and joy) can be attributed, in part, to my cancer diagnosis. Each day is a gift for all of us, but it's hard to see that gift day after day for most. When you have cancer, it's pretty hard not to notice it.

But my cancer diagnosis isn't responsible for all of it.

Take today, for instance.

When I opened my eyes this morning, Winston (my Yorkshire terrier) sprung to action and proceeded to greet me with some face licks. I hugged my hubby, Will -- the person who has been my best friend and partner for over 10 years now -- and checked my email, which included a sweet message from none other than Coach K. I sang my lungs out in the shower, had breakfast with my awesomely fun parents, and made the easy drive to downtown L.A. 

I met with the highly efficient and nice looking folks over at O Hotel to finalize plans for my party and felt my excitement for my big night growing. Will and I got haircuts and both looked over at each other and smiled at our new 'dos as we were being clipped. I grabbed lunch at Mendocino Farms with my best friend Tim -- we screeched so loudly with laughter during our lunch that one of the employees there started laughing just because we were. 

I spent time with some of my favorite people at OMM -- laughing a lot, giving and getting big hugs, and receiving wonderful words of encouragement and friendship. I skipped back home for a second to grab my gym clothes -- just enough time to hug Will while looking at the beautiful downtown L.A. skyline (living on the 12th floor has its perks). I had a great workout and felt my strong and fit body responding with gusto to the challenges I put before it. I had a delicious sushi dinner with Will and my parents. I received an awesome present -- a Duke blanket with "WunderGlo '04" stitched on it -- from my friend Mike. 

And I just had a lovely piece of vegan apple pie.

It was a gorgeous, full day. So what did cancer have to do with any of it?

Nothing. 

The beautiful people in my life have always been there. The wonderful moments were always present in each day. And the laughs have always been plentiful. My life has always been "super-HDTV" brilliant. The only real difference between the pre- and post-diagnosis me is that now I'm taking the time to savor each drop of that life. 

And it's delicious.

Week in Review/Week in Preview

The weeks seem to be flying by, but last Monday seems like it was ages ago. How is that possible? I guess I'll just chalk it up to having fun and packing a lot of living into each day. 

Week in Review

• Chemo Round 4: found out the results of my CT scan (no spread or progression of cancer, which is clearly running scared), spent some quality time with Dr. Lenz, guzzled up my meds for 4.5 hours, visited with my high school buds Erin and Megan, and even took a little nap while my brilliant nurse, Erlinda, tended to me. Chemo is getting easier and easier. I'm dominating cancer these days.
• Talked with Dr. Sugarbaker's wife, Ilse, and got my clinic date (more to come about this, but it's set for January 3), and my surgery date (set for February 3) -- sweet!
• Hit the weights at Educogym every day this week. Had my consult on Friday to check on my status and set some goals. Pretty happy with where I am now (I've gained 10 pounds since I left the hospital, and I've got more than 100 pounds of muscle on the ol' body) but very excited my new goals -- more to come on this, too.
• Acupuncture with Mary Ellen on Wednesday -- a pretty involved treatment which included needles near the eyes! I completely trust Mary Ellen's needle-inserting skill so I didn't even flinch. I felt like a million bucks afterwards.
• Spent some quality time with my Duke buddy Tope, which included a concert at Walt Disney Concert Hall and a mini-tour of downtown L.A.
• Watched 127 Hours with Will and loved it. Incredibly inspiring film, and definitely worth sitting through some of the more graphic parts (the main character is trapped in a canyon crevice when a rock falls on his arm/hand, so you can imagine what I mean by "graphic").
• Visited my OMM family on Friday -- didn't see everyone I wanted to see, though, so I'll be back next week.
• Watched my Blue Devils beat Michigan State and Butler, and go 8-0. Shout outs to Kyrie Irving for being incredible, to Nolan Smith for being my favorite, and to Andre Dawkins for being so cute.
• Spent Saturday and Sunday in Santa Barbara for a little recharge -- yummy clam chowder, a long walk along the beach, and great times.
• Took all my vitamins, drank lots of water, got all my Lovenox shots.

Week in Preview

• Finalize plans for the big birthday party, which includes getting a cake with the word WUNDERGLO written on it.
• Take a spa day: haircut, manicure/pedicure, facial, massage -- time for this cancer warrior to get pampered.
• Exercise every day -- pumping iron at Educogym and some neighborhood jogs with Winston.
• Make a serious dent in Anatomy of the Spirit book (on book three of the four purchased for me by best friend Rhett).
• Scary movie night with my crew at the theater in my building (yes, my building has a theater -- awesome, right?) on Tuesday night.
• Celebrating my Birthday!!! Heading to Disneyland on Wednesday to celebrate good ol' December 8th. This old lady is turning 29.
• Acupuncture with Mary Ellen on Thursday, just in case Disneyland throws anything out of whack. 
• Going to mass on Thursday night to celebrate my birthday with the higher power.
• Birthday dinner with family on Friday night -- craving sushi.
• Big birthday bash on Saturday night! I may even wear -- gasp! -- a dress. I think a plunging neck line is the best way to show off my portacath and other, more natural assets (if you know what I mean).
• Going to a holiday concert led by none other than my childhood bestie Nick on Sunday.
• Spend quality time with my best buds Rhett and Morgan, who are flying in for my birthday festivities.
• Take all my vitamins, drink lots of water, get all my Lovenox shots, celebrate my birthday, and keep killing that cancer. 

I've got a feeling that this week will be super memorable and fun. Hope yours is, too!