A Fun Day of Preparation

Sometimes, preparing for something -- an event or even a test (don't worry, no more Bar Exam stories...for now) -- is almost as fun as the thing itself.

Today, I kicked into high gear on party-planning for my 29th birthday: visited two potential venues, worked on my invitation and guest list, and considered my music options. I'm always in my element when planning for a party -- a regular Mrs. Dalloway over here. I love thinking of every last detail, from food to drink to music playlist to lighting to decor, and pride myself on throwing a pretty sweet shindig. Of all of my friends, I think I throw the most parties, actually. Usually, the location of the parties is my humble abode, but this year, I'm doing it a little differently. Cancer has inspired me to go a little bigger than usual.

Like I said, I visited two awesome venues today. The first was the upstairs area of a downtown L.A. boutique hotel called O Hotel. Very cool and chic area spanning three different rooms. Appetizers and cocktails (and I'd bring in a birthday cake, of course), with music piped in to all three rooms. Access to the downstairs area which includes a gorgeous bar and fireplace. And all for a very reasonable price. Naturally, I booked it. It'll be quite the birthday bash.

The next venue I visited is one that I'll save for my book launch party, or one of my many post-cancer parties: the L.A. Zoo. I'm already in love with a particular space, but to do it right, it'd cost me thousands. The space is right between the chimpanzees and the giraffes. Can you imagine it? An after-hours party where you can sip a cocktail and stare at a GIRAFFE or eat a mini-skewer while staring at a CHIMP? So cool I can't stand it. I had a blast checking out the potential party sites and then the rest of the zoo with my good friend Aymee, who skillfully arranged the whole visit.

Meanwhile, while I prepped for my party, my mom prepared for Thanksgiving. She spent the whole day cooking and baking delicious things, and I got to be the taste-testing beneficiary. I'm not sure how fun it was for her to slave away in the kitchen all day, but I think we had fun. It was definitely fun watching her prepare and previewing her culinary delights.

Preparing to take down cancer is also fun. Even though I'm actually in the midst of battling it, I'd like to think I'm in a constant state of preparation; I consider what I'm doing now to be preparation for my future surgery. The chemo which is stopping the growth of the idiotic cancer, the work I do in the gym (which is paying off -- check out that bicep), the healthy food I'm nourishing myself with, and the loads of sleep I'm getting is all in preparation for the surgery that will render me cancer-free. Every day is a day of preparation, and I've got the Eye of the Tiger for sure.

In my view, preparation is a major factor -- if not the determining factor -- in ensuring success no matter what you're trying to accomplish. Luckily, as I've found over and over again in my life, preparation itself can be really fun.

And if you don't believe me, I know some chimps that can be VERY persuasive.

British People Can Be Very Insightful

Some of my favorite people are from the UK: Ruth (my friend from SLS), Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson, William Shakespeare, Elton John, Boy George, Kazuo Ishiguro (yes, he's British), and Winston Churchill.

I bring up my favorite people from across the pond because of Winston Churchill, and a special quote of his that Ruth reminded me of a couple weeks ago when she was here visiting, a quote that readily applies to my mindset as I beat cancer:

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Now, I'm not trying to say that going through my current fist-fight with cancer is hell -- honestly, it's been a great adventure -- but it is a physical, emotional, and psychological challenge. It's resulted in a scar up my gut, meds labeled "toxic" coursing through my veins every couple of weeks, and a date with me and a massive surgery in the next couple of months. It's resulted in a delay in my career as an attorney, and has thrown a wrench in any plans I had for kids (a post about babies coming soon). It's taken away parts of my awesome, action-packed life, and forced me to fight like hell to get it all back. 

But it's not hell.

Still, the quote encapsulates exactly what I've done from the moment I learned my diagnosis. Without even thinking of the great Winston Churchill and his quote, I've kept going, pushed forward, remained positive, and prepared for victory.  

It's an important thing to remember not just in my particular battle, but for everyone. If times are tough, or you're confronting a big challenge, just keep moving forward. The quote, to me, is all about not giving up and not despairing about your current situation -- it's about getting through it and getting on to better times. Which is exactly what I'm doing.

I Love Tests

I know it's a nerdy thing to admit, but I really, really like tests. I guess you could say that I love 'em. I prepare like a madwoman for them (anybody who saw me study for the California Bar Exam knows this), and when test day rolls around, I am completely invigorated and ready to go. Sometimes, I even get emotional...like on the morning of the LSAT, when I teared up as I did my hair and makeup, realizing that I was going to do great which meant that I would achieve one of my dreams -- getting accepted into Stanford Law School. Tests are emotional for me because I work incredibly hard at prepping for them and I know in my heart that on test day, I've done my best -- which is usually pretty darn good.

Today, I got to take a bunch of tests, and I was bouncing off the walls the moment I woke up.  

Test Number One: get through the "special" instructions for CT Scan prep from Dr. Sugarbaker's office successfully (which means without vomiting and/or having to stop short of the full directions). These instructions were pretty onerous, but he's the genius and, as Dr. Lenz says, the "pope" of my future surgery (officially called CRS/HIPEC), so I went with it. I was warned by Taline (my nurse practitioner) that this stuff would probably make me sick, and she assured me that I really didn't have to follow the instructions if I started to get sick. That was all I needed to get excited for the challenge. I vowed to myself that, no matter what, I was not going to let this special prep make me nauseous and I would abide by the instructions. Can I really prevent nausea by willing myself to not get nauseous? I don't know. But so far, so good, actually -- I've definitely bucked the odds on multiple occasions when my upchucking was almost a foregone conclusion.

So, the "special" directions? First, I had to stop eating solid food and switch to clear liquids on Sunday night (think clear broth, jello, etc.). Ok, done. Next, I had to drink 10 ounces of this slightly nasty "cherry" flavored laxative. I hated to throw my bowels into confusion after they've been so wonderful to me post-surgery, and I apologized as I drank. But I gulped gulped gulped it down nonetheless. After that, I had to drink about 12 ounces of this "berry" barium drink, which was a thick-ish white liquid that didn't taste like berry. I had my first barium drink at midnight. Yup, my first. There were more. 

I woke up today, knowing that food was a no-no, and opted for a little bit of jello. On the way to USC Norris, I dined on my second barium drink. There would be another one, but first, the ultrasound on my leg.

Test Number Two: If you've followed this blog from Day 1, and I know many of you have not (that's okay -- you can catch up), you know that on the day I got my portacath installed, I had an ultrasound of my legs and a tiny blood clot was detected in my right femoral artery (my right thigh). Ever since then, I've been on Lovenox, and I get nightly shots in the upper butt from my loving and skilled hubby. Today, we checked to see if the clot was gone. 

It was gone. Test Number Two: passed.

After my ultrasound, I gulped down another barium drink. That was three. 36 ounces. The radiologist said that I didn't need a fourth, and my instructions said to check with my radiologist about the fourth bottle. Which means.... 

Test Number One: passed.

And on to Test Number Three, the results of which I won't know until next week. I had my CT scan to check on how the idiotic cancer has fared over the last six weeks. As I said, I don't know the results yet -- just like I didn't for the California Bar Exam and the LSAT immediately after I took those tests -- but I feel very good about my performance. I prepared meticulously, worked my butt off at the gym and sleeping and meditating and eating healthy food, and I know that I put my body in the best place possible to beat this silly junk.

I decided to cap off my physically demanding day with some weights. I graduated to 160 pounds on the bench press and handled it without a problem (I was supposed to graduate to 140 pounds but I didn't correct my trainer, Wayne, when he set the weight at 160 -- why would I?!), and worked my triceps until they burned like crazy. I don't really consider the physical challenge of working out at the gym after my earlier endeavors today to be a test, per se, but if it was...I passed.

A pretty successful day, I think. Days like these make me want to pull out my old property law flashcards from the Bar Exam. But I'll refrain. :)

Week in Review/Week in Preview

It's Sunday, and you know what that means...review and preview time.

Week in Review

• Ding ding ding!!! Chemo Round 3 was this week, and it went well. Had a great time getting my blood drawn, peeing in a cup, hanging out with Dr. Lenz, and spending 4.5 hours getting my delicious chemo meds. It all went smoothly and without incident...well, a tiny incident. The nurse at the day hospital in charge of my chemo process had some issues finding the completely obvious lump in my chest known as my portacath. She squinted as she held the needle precariously close to my chest, and would pull back the needle and look closer at the port, then bring the needle back to my chest, then pull it back again. It was enough to make me grab the needle, shove it in my port, and smack her in the arm. Luckily for everyone, I kept my composure and eventually, she did her job and got me my magic cancer-killing juice. But if I see her again on a Chemo Day, there's going to be a problem. Here's a picture of me trying to keep calm while the nurse fumbled around. 
• Worked out at Educogym all week -- pumped iron despite carting around my bag o' on Monday and Tuesday. Definitely seeing a lot of progress in terms of muscle mass, and starting to graduate to reasonable weights (as in, weights more similar to those I used to lift before my surgery). Did my bench press on 120 pounds all week which means I'll be moving on up soon.
• Made a big dent in Anatomy of an Illness book but still haven't finished it yet (what a slacker).
• Painted two new "Love Life" paintings -- little ones (8x11) but I think they're pretty cool. 
• Spent time at OMM on Thursday -- worked a bit on the book (though not enough), and spent time with my people at our Third Thursdays cocktail party. Awesome to catch up with my OMM fam.
• Adventure in the Palisades on Friday -- meditation at the Lake Shrine Temple's Meditation Gardens, acupuncture with Mary Ellen, lunch in Santa Monica at Jack 'n Jill's with Mom and Aymee (props to Aymee for getting us seating in the upstairs section despite it being "closed"), and back to downtown in time for the gym.
• Rediscovered Manhattan Beach on Saturday (haven't been there since Hell Week during my high school volleyball days). Walked on the beach, enjoyed the little aquarium on the end of the pier (highlight was the leopard shark), had a great lunch at Izaka-ya by Katsuya, and watched the sun set while enjoying some frozen yogurt (despite it being really chilly outside). 
• Spent time with Morgan on Saturday night and Sunday -- we watched a terrific "supernatural horror" film called Monkey Shines. It's about a quadriplegic law student who gets a supersmart helper monkey. Clearly, things go awry. I won't spoil the rest of it so you can watch it yourself. We also watched Death of a Ghost Hunter, which was also good but can't compare to the monkey movie. Really, no movie can.
• Spent Sunday afternoon with Will in Larchmont Village then scored some sweet new Nikes. 
• Watched my Blue Devils improve to 3-0 with some serious wins. They are so, so good.
• Began the odyssey of preparing for my CT Scan tomorrow. Dr. Sugarbaker had some "special" instructions for my prep for the scan, and let me be the first to tell you -- they are special. Detailed post about my CT scan (prep and scan itself) tomorrow.
• Took all my vitamins, got all my Lovenox shots, drank loads of water, and continued beating the hell out of cancer. 

Week in Preview

• CT scan on Monday to track my progress so far (and cancer's lack of progress). Looking forward to carrying out Dr. Sugarbaker's special instructions and finishing the scan process, then rejoining my normal life of eating solid foods and not drinking the stuff you have to drink before scans. 
• Pumping iron at Educogym all week -- graduating to 140 on the bench press (yes, I'm a little bit of a beast). I'm pretty sure it's a good thing that, while undergoing chemo, I've been able to work out hard (I'm not overdoing it, though) and build muscle. I will flex for you whenever you want.
• Kicking in to serious party planning mode for my 29th birthday. Details to be ironed out soon, invites to follow. It's going to be sweet.
• Heading to OMM this week to work on the book and the blog -- while my mom labors away, preparing a delicious Thanksgiving meal, I'll go to the office. It's better that way. A domestic goddess I am not.
• Thanksgiving!! Despite not actually contributing anything to the festivities but my party-loving spirit, we're having the holiday at our place in downtown L.A. Should be excellent -- family time is always a good time, and I look forward to eating the slightly-healthier-than-usual-but-still-delicious Thanksgiving fare.
• On Thanksgiving night, we're heading to Portland for the Duke/Oregon game!! My parents and Will and I leave in the evening, and will be in Portland until Sunday afternoon. I've been there before (on some awesome and very memorable work-related trips) but this will be the first time in Portland for my nurses. Looking forward to a great time.
• Going to the Duke/Oregon game on Saturday!! Front row seats to watch my favorite team. I can't really express how excited I am about this. SO EXCITED. I'm actually pretty impressed that I was able to write about anything else in the coming week besides the Duke game. Trying not to get too ahead of myself but the moment my Blue Devils run out of the locker room and start warming up will be an incredible one. I will be fighting back tears of joy, I promise. 
• Continue doing all the things I need to do to kiss this cancer goodbye although, I've gotta admit, it's contributed to some pretty great living these days.

Have a great week, everyone!! 

On Swans in a Lake

Yesterday, I had an adventure in the Palisades.

Before my weekly acupuncture session with Mary Ellen, my friend Aymee took my mom and me to the Meditation Gardens. The Lake Shrine Meditation Gardens, to be exact. It was about 5 minutes away from Mary Ellen's house, and a totally unexpected thing to see while cruising on Sunset Boulevard. It crept up on the left side of the winding road - first, the temple on the grounds - majestic and a stark contrast in golds and whites to the gray, overcast sky. Then, we turned into the parking lot, took a few steps, and came upon a gorgeous vista: lush green grounds surrounding a sprawling, calm lake fully equipped with some ducks and even a couple of swans.

Whoa. This place was phenomenal, and right smack in the middle of L.A. I was immediately moved by its beauty and serenity.

We walked around the lake, stopping and taking pictures here and there. We entered the main meditation area, which looked like a little church but had pictures of the iconic leaders of all religions instead of just the big J.C. I sat down, closed my eyes, and - boom - started meditating. I couldn't believe it - the same person who generally struggles at quieting down my mind and body to get focused on meditation actually fell right into it. Either there's something special about swans in a lake in the middle of L.A. or your gal is getting better at meditation (probably both). I focused on visualizing the chemo attacking my cancer cells, and without even trying, started repeating positive affirmations about being well-equipped to handle this battle and being in control of my future. I have no idea where these affirmations came from - I just started thinking them and repeating them silently to myself. All in all, a pretty awesome experience, especially for a day where I was feeling a little blah from this week's chemo.

After our time at the Meditation Gardens, I had an excellent acupuncture session with Mary Ellen followed by a tough legs workout at the gym. Duke's 52 point victory over Colgate capped off a pretty excellent Friday.

And it was also the two month anniversary of my surgery. Time flies, doesn't it? I should have sent Dr. Ramos some flowers. Or maybe a swan.