Seeing With New Eyes

Now that I know I have "the cancer" (I think calling it "the cancer" is pretty hilarious but maybe you just have to hear me say it), things look differently to me. It's not like cancer was this wake-up call that helped me appreciate my life because it wasn't as if I hadn't thoroughly enjoyed my life and loved my family and friends pre-diagnosis. But still. These days, everything seems to burn brighter. The love I feel for others, the beauty of nature and music and art, the joy and happiness of good times and laughter. It's like my view of life has turned from normal color to an enhanced, vibrant, super-HDTV version of itself.

The first time I actually realized that I was living in super-HDTV was on the evening of my first chemo treatment, at the Mumford & Sons concert. The beauty of music (especially the earnestness and purity of the lyrics of some of the songs), and of the fans passionately singing along with the band (this fan included), and the light as it played off the contours of the Palladium - man, it was really something. Before I knew it, I was tearing up in the dark. Instead of choking the tears back, I just let my gratitude for those moments flow right through me. (Luckily, I wasn't obvious about it so I didn't disturb my fellow concert-goer. Seeing someone living in super-HDTV while you are not might freak that person out -- or make him jealous.)

Another example of super vibrant WunderGlo-land happened just the other weekend, during my Halloween party. I didn't cry like a baby in the dark this time, but simply soaked up the many hours with so many of my awesome friends: the conversations, the laughs, the costumes, and the fun. I felt energized, so in love with and loved by my friends, and really, really happy. I've always been a fairly frequent party planner and host, but try hosting a party in super-HDTV. It's pretty sweet.

Even just over the past couple of days, I've seen things with new eyes. A silly song that I've made up on the spot with my mom isn't just a funny, hold-your-sides-because-you're-laughing-so-much moment -- it's a bonding between two people who have been through everything in life together. Cuddling with Will while he lovingly/grudgingly watches Celebrity Ghost Story with me isn't just nice telly time with my hubby -- it's a loving moment with my partner of over 10 years. And chatting away at a Starbucks with Ruth (which happened today) or laughing out loud while emailing with Tim (also happened today) or giving a high five to Aymee after a hilarious joke (you guessed it, also happened today) isn't just a good time with a good friend -- it's an incredible moment of connection with a beautiful person that I'm blessed to have as a friend.

So yes, I'm seeing things with new eyes. The great things in life are even greater because I'm taking the time to realize how meaningful they actually are. And not because I think my days are numbered, but because I know I need to fight for those days. When you are fighting for your life like I am, you start to really look at your days -- the moments and people that color them -- and realize how awesome your life is. I am proud to announce, without a doubt in my mind and with incredible joy in my heart, that my life is awesome and so worth fighting for. And, seriously, that is a massive understatement.

So, my dear readers, I have a challenge for you. Try to live in super-HDTV. Do whatever you can to slow down and really examine your lives. Pretend you have cancer if it helps you (but don't freak out because you can beat it, I'm sure). Just recognize how precious life is, and how beautiful yours is in particular. You can thank me later. :)