Going With The Flow

In my previous life, pre-diagnosis, the idea of diverting from my well-crafted plans was enough to make me a crazy woman. I'd schedule my days with little wiggle room, and tried to cram in as much activity and efficiency into every moment. If things didn't go precisely according to plan, I wasn't a happy camper. I'll confess that the old me was what you'd call tightly wound. When you're trying to accomplish a boatload of things in a given day, day after day, being tightly wound simply came with the territory.

These days, I try to be more spontaneous, more go-with-the-flow, and less stressed out when my days don't go quite as I had envisioned.

Take today, for example. I was supposed to get lunch with my high school buddy, Meghan. We hadn't nailed down a time yet, but it had to be around 11:45ish because I had my first ever Reiki appointment at 1pm. Well, I woke up around 9ish, figured I'd catch a couple more winks, and woke up again way, way too close to noon.

First plan foiled. Meghan and I rescheduled, but still. The old me would've flipped out and been mad at myself for the rest of the day, but I was fine. 

After my Reiki appointment (which was very cool), I realized that I was across the street from the batting cages. Even though I knew I had to hustle to make my 3:30 appointment at the gym, I looked at my friend Aymee, pointed at the batting cages, and said, "Wanna go?" We darted across the street and were hitting softballs in no time. Let me tell you, I've missed swinging the bat. Connecting with the ball and driving it felt great. We followed that up with a couple games of air hockey. A little boy watched us while we played, smiling when one of us scored a goal. After I beat Aymee after game one, I turned to him and said, "Gimme five!" He readily complied. 

When I finally got back to my parents' house, I waited for Will, who was supposed to join me on the what should've been the 30-minute drive to downtown L.A. I waited for him, and waited, texted, and waited, and realized that I couldn't wait for him any longer if I had any hope of making my appointment at the gym. I left at about 3pm, got on the 5 freeway which closely resembled a parking lot, and realized that it would be at least an hour until I got to downtown. That meant no gym for me, which was majorly disappointing.

But instead of losing it completely, I let myself feel frustrated for about 5 minutes, then got over it. I chilled out in the heavy traffic and sang along to the radio.

The day turned out great, in the end. Tim and I grabbed lunch (luckily for me, he hadn't eaten lunch by 4pm and neither had I) and hung out for a bit at the office (luckily for us, there weren't many people around because we were laughing pretty loudly). When I got home, I felt totally refreshed (and not tired from lifting weights since I hadn't lifted any), and proceeded to tidy up the loft quite nicely in preparation for Christmas. Soon enough, Will joined me at the loft, and we dressed our chubby Christmas tree to the nines with our favorite ornaments. 

I never like to encourage cancer by giving it credit for anything, but I think that battling this stupid disease has taught me how to unwind a bit, to enjoy each moment (even if it's in traffic), and not to let the frustration of small (or large) inconveniences rule the day. The old me isn't completely gone (even now, my days are scheduled a little too densely), but I'm evolving into a more peaceful, centered, and relaxed person. And it feels pretty great.  

So thank you, cancer. I'm still going to kill you. I know it's the holiday season and all, but I'm showing you no mercy.