It's Not Always Easy

Throughout my battle with "the cancer," I think I've taken all the physical challenges and the pain in stride. After three months of chemo and two surgeries -- one of them being ridiculously long and complicated -- I can confidently say that I've handled this disease and the sometimes-difficult treatment required to eradicate it. 

But it's not always easy.

Take my incision wound for example. The top half of the wound has healed gorgeously, with pretty pink flesh all grown in and the incision mark getting lighter by the day. The bottom half of the wound is a different story. There are four spots on the incision wound where my skin didn't fuse together. Simply put, I've got four holes along my incision line, the largest hole at the very bottom of the line. 

Are they scary to look at? I'm going to go ahead and break the suspense and tell you YES, THEY ARE. You'd cringe if you saw them on me, so imagine how I feel knowing that they friggin' belong to me. These areas are healing well -- I know this because Dr. Lenz looked at them today and said so -- but man, they are sensitive. Given how deep they are, you can imagine why. I've got some really, really fresh and raw skin exposed to the world. 

So yeah, it's not easy dealing with these wounds. Bandaging them up, changing the gauze -- which inevitably requires me to pull off some skin or mucus that had attached itself to the gauze (which does not feel good), and cleaning them: not exactly the most fun I've ever had in my life. 

But here's the thing. You can't enjoy triumph without enduring some adversity. You can't feel the rush of victory until you've taken your bumps and bruises along the way. And ever since my "pick it out/pour it in" surgery, I've been riding high on triumph and victory. Like I said about a week ago, I felt like I had almost celebrated so much that I'd lost my fighting focus for the next round of chemo. So, in a way, the new challenge with these wounds is keeping me grounded, reminding me that "yes, you are still in the fight for your life so you'd better keep your edge," and giving me a reason to regain that focused intensity that has carried me this far.

You know what, four holes along my incision wound? Thanks. 

It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.