Timshel

There's a new song on my cancer-killing playlist, and it's a slow and thoughtful one by my boys, Mumford & Sons. I've always loved this song, but during the concert on Monday night when they sang "Timshel," I was especially moved. The song begins with the following lyrics:

 

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

It's not hard to understand how these lyrics speak to me so clearly and so powerfully. Over the past several months, I've fought a deadly disease. It's sole aim was to deprive me of my life. When Dr. Ramos first saw the cancer that had spread throughout my body, he was devastated. Had the chemo not killed the substantial amount of cancer that it did, Dr. Sugarbaker probably would not have been able to successfully remove all the visible cancer cells in my body. I think it's safe to say that death was at my doorstep. And it certainly did steal my innocence. My ignorant, carefree way of living -- a way of living that never gave a thought to illness or mortality -- was abruptly ended. But never, ever, did "the cancer" steal my substance -- my character, my will to survive, and the love that animates my every action. In fact, it amplified my substance.

 

The part of "Timshel" that I love the most is the next stanza:

 

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

Despite my diagnosis, and throughout my battle with this disease, I have never felt alone. My family, my friends, my doctors, and all of you have been with me every step of the way. I can honestly say that I've never been afraid for one moment -- not before my first surgery, not afterwards when I learned that I had achieved Stage IV status, not when I started chemo, not when I was wheeled into surgery with Sugarbaker, and not now. It sounds hard to believe, but it's absolutely true. And it's not because I'm the most courageous person in the world or the most delusional person in the world. It's because I know that, no matter what happens, as brothers we will stand and you'll hold my hand. I'm blessed with the unflinching love and support of family, friends -- heck, an entire law firm -- and all of that positive energy I get from my loved ones sustains me. Your energy gives me energy. And I know one thing better than anything: when I've got a belly full of energy, nothing can stop me.

 

So no matter what you're going through -- if you're battling cancer or any other disease, or supporting people who are, or even if you are just rocking out at life and there's not a cloud in sight -- just know one thing: we're all in this together. You are not alone in this. This thought has been the most empowering and comforting to me, and one that has buoyed my heart and soul in the face of many challenging moments. As members of the human race, we can be there for each other and we should be...although you, dear readers, are the last people I need to remind about this. You have brought the lyrics of "Timshel" to life for me, and I'm eternally grateful.