I Believe

It's been a loooong time since I've added a song to my cancer-killing playlist, and this one is an old favorite of mine. Back in the day when I used to watch American Idol, I particularly liked Fantasia Barrino and her song "I Believe." She sang the hell out of the song and I always found the lyrics to be so inspiring and powerful. Back when I was studying for the bar exam, I'd take daily breaks at the gym and I'd blast this song while I was plugging away on the elliptical machine or pumping iron.

These days, "I Believe" means even more to me. When I reflect on it, everything I've achieved in my life has been driven by one thing in particular: the fact that I've always believed in myself. 

This unwavering belief in myself has meant everything in my smackdown of cancer. I don't question my body's ability to respond to treatment. I don't question my ability to learn what things I need to do to keep myself as strong and healthy as possible. And I don't ever question my will to live, survive, and thrive. That's why this diagnosis never freaked me out...not even for a second (seriously, you can ask my doctors, family, or friends...I've been as cool as a cucumber since Day One). Because when you believe in yourself and your ability to do whatever it is you set your mind to, you're already halfway there.

Without believing in myself, I don't fulfill my childhood dream of going to Duke. I don't get into all 10 of the 10 law schools I applied to. I don't get my job at O'Melveny and have the incredible career I've had thus far. I don't take a Stage IV colon cancer diagnosis in stride, fighting the disease like an beast and helping others in the process. And last night, I don't play 5-on-5 full court pick-up basketball (after a full weight training workout, as the only girl, and only cancer warrior) and light it up from 3 point land. I don't do any of those things without believing in myself. But I did them all because I do.

These particular lyrics of the song never fail to bring tears to my eyes. They are the truth. They are my truth.

I believe in the impossible

If I reach deep within my heart

Overcome any obstacle

Won't let this dream just fall apart

You see, I strive to be the very best

Shine my light for all to see

'Cause anything is possible

When you believe

So no matter your struggle -- whether you're a fellow cancer warrior or dealing with a different medical issue or not -- dig deep, find your strength, and never let it go. And believe.