On Faith

Yesterday, I met with a Catholic priest. And it was pretty awesome, actually.  

I was raised Catholic and it is the faith of my family, but don't get me wrong -- I have many, serious problems with the Catholic Church, especially with the way it's run in Italia. I don't, however, have any problems with my faith, my belief in God, and all the great things the Catholic Church does stand for: social justice, immigrants' rights, caring for the poor and sick, etc. I'm not pleased about affiliating with the Catholic Church because of the ill-conceived political stance that the Church has taken on many issues including women's rights and homosexuality, but I'm pretty sure that Jesus would be a pretty huge feminist and would hang out with his gay friends all the time. So I decided to keep an open mind and give this priest a shot. I'm glad that I did. We had a great chat, I got anointed with some delicious smelling oil, and I felt even more primed and ready to take down this disease.

In the fight against cancer, spirituality is key. For me, it was ever-present. From the moment I found out I had this nasty thing, I felt nothing but totally calm and confident. Pretty crazy, right? Seriously, ask my parents or Will or Dr. Ramos or my family or anyone who was with me during the time I first learned my diagnosis. I was cool as a cucumber, and I still am.

I'll tell you why. Because I knew -- and I know -- that God has a plan for me, and that this is just a part of it. Nobody has been as lucky as I've been in life. I've been almost embarrassed and most certainly humbled by the life that I've had. Things don't just work out for me -- they work out in grand fashion. For example, I wanted to go to Duke since I was 8 years old, and what happens? Not only am I accepted (and tackled by at least a dozen of my high school friends when I found out the news) and attend Duke, but I witnessed a Duke Basketball championship when I was a freshman, was the president of my class when I was a junior and senior, ran a literary festival at which I brought my favorite writer of all time to Duke (Joyce Carol Oates) and spent two unforgettable days communing with her, was one of two students chosen to deliver a graduation speech to my fellow graduating English majors, and -- oh yeah -- met some of my best friends and my husband there. See what I'm talking about? You can't make this stuff up. My ENTIRE LIFE has been like this. Sometimes I can hardly believe how awesome it's been.

My point in recalling my past glory is to convey to you the fact that, all along, I felt particularly blessed and looked after by God. These amazing things just don't happen to a person without someone powerful in your corner. And they continue to happen -- after my first surgery, for example, I healed like a superhuman. I can't just credit myself in this feat. And I know, as I beat the hell out of cancer, the credit won't just go to me and my phenomenal doctors and family and friends. 

God is looking out for me, and God isn't going to give me something I can't handle. God has had a plan for me, and it's a pretty grand one, even if it requires that I go through the physical and emotional challenge of beating back Stage IV cancer. I believe in that as strongly as I believe in anything. 

So yeah, I'm pretty calm. Because I know I've already won.