My Incision and Me

I showed it to almost everyone who visited me in the hospital, and now it's time for me to show it to you (along with my guns).

I like to call it my shark bite. Thankfully, the shark didn't bite down all the way.

Luckily for me, I've always been proud of my scars. Also lucky is the fact that, before my surgery in September, I didn't have many. A little scar on my hand from a shard of glass that flew off a frame and made its way into my skin when I was three -- a tiny circular scar on my knee from one of many falls when I was a rambunctious first grader. And that was pretty much it. 

But now I've got a big one, and I like to show it off.

I don't think I've mentioned this, but about a week after my surgery, I irritated a part of my incision and it started bleeding a little bit. Tiny drops, and more pinkish-clear than anything, but still -- it oozed for at least a week and a half. My nurses successfully gauzed it each day, and I took antibiotics to prevent the infection of the mini-wound, but it troubled me a bit considering the fact that I'm a perfectionist about everything, including my incision. I was SO excited that morning when I took off the gauze and there was no hint of oozing. I've checked it out with the same excitement every day since.

These days, the scar is healing beautifully. It's a sign to me that my body wants to heal itself and do the right thing, and wants to do so in record time. The clean line of this pink, healthy incision line is a promise from my body to me: I'll do my part to get you better.

Also, I think it's a pretty nice incision, aesthetically speaking. Dr. Ramos did a solid job, especially around the belly button area, which must be tricky. I wasn't expecting anything less from him, but he needs to be commended for a job well done.

Not only is the scar a tangible reminder of my past surgery, it also reminds me of my future surgery -- the surgery that will get me to cancer-free status. The incision from that surgery will use my current scar as a guide (the Ramos/Sugarbaker collaboration) but will stretch a bit higher on my abdomen (which will be all Sugarbaker). It'll be the gateway to my gut, where all the picking out/pouring in magic will happen. I'm thinking about asking Sugarbaker to pose with my gut right smack in the middle of surgery. I won't post that picture to the blog, though (some of you may be a little squeamish). 

So yes, I have a scar that spans most of my abdomen and runs north to south. I won't be entering any bikini contests any time soon (are there even bikini contests?). I'll have this scar for the rest of my life. And yes, the scar is pretty substantial. But it's my badge of courage. It's my reminder to live well, give thanks for every day of my life, and to keep putting a hurt on that cancer. And I love it.