Learning a Life Lesson

You know, I can say, without hesitation, that I've learned a ton since my diagnosis. I really believe that I'm a wiser person now that I've locked horns with "the cancer." I now know the importance of sleep and rest (which are different things - also newly learned), diet and exercise, stress management and meditation, and living each moment in that moment.

One thing I still haven't learned? Being patient with my body.

This present stage of my beat down of cancer: the post-op rehab period, has been the most challenging for me.

Am I in major pain? No, not at all. In fact, I haven't taken pain medication since last Saturday, and days before then, I was only taking one pain pill a day. 

Am I feeling sick? Absolutely not. Ever since my "pick it out/pour it in" surgery, my body feels fresh and new, as if Dr. Sugarbaker gifted me a brand new set of organs.

But do I have an incision wound that runs the length of my abdomen, along with two chest tube wounds under each arm? And are these wounds not quite healed? Yes. My wounds are still scabbing, leaking a touch of fluid here and there (don't worry - no infection here), and healing. And as long as I'm healing, my activities are limited. I can walk, and walk, and walk, and that's about it.

I dream of hiking, lifting weights, shooting hoops. I want to run and jump and smack the heck out of a softball. I long for that painful, winded feeling in my lungs, the feeling of sweat dripping off my forehead, the sound of a basketball I just shot hitting nothing but net.

But those dreams are deferred, and they must stay that way for now. 

In the meantime, I need to be kind to my body, to give it the time it needs (which, to my body's credit, is really not that much), and to listen to it instead of just trying to power through. It's an important lesson, and clearly, still one I've yet to fully learn. But I'm trying to learn it, and I will.

(On a related note, when did this Duke University English major and Stanford Law School journal editor-in-chief become such a meathead?! Jeez, WunderGlo -- go read a book already.)