Life: Full Steam Ahead

It's been two months since my surgery, a surgery that we hoped would rid me of all visible cancer in my body but didn't. A surgery that some would see as a disappointment. With findings that some would see as a death sentence.

But not me.

My surgery revealed some cancer lingering in the walls of my intestines -- disease that cannot be removed unless we want to put my life in serious danger. That makes my cancer inoperable. The good news is that this isn't new disease, but part of the boatload of cancer that was there in the first place (this makes a difference because a "recurrence" or "new" disease would be resistant to at least some chemo drugs). And although the specks of disease are widespread throughout my bowels (hundreds, maybe thousands of specks), they are also tiny. Tiny, pathetic, and dying as we speak.

Now, even before my docs concluded that this wasn't a "recurrence" in the sense that this disease would be ultra-strong and chemo resistant, I wasn't freaking out at all...because I already knew my plan. No matter what -- new cancer or not, lots of it or not -- I was going to continue living my life, full steam ahead. Because when you give up and let fear cripple you, you've lost. And when you think you're done, you're done. And I'm far from done.

Cancer has taken a few things away from me -- the most profound among them, my ability to bear children -- but it hasn't taken the most essential things from me. It hasn't taken away my ability to think -- to write this blog, to work in my trade as an attorney, to write my book, and to run my Foundation. It hasn't taken away my ability to travel, or play sports, or hone my DJ skills, or hang out with family and friends. It hasn't taken away my ability to laugh and love and sing at the top of my lungs and enjoy everything in life I want to enjoy. And it hasn't -- at all -- taken away or even weakened my will to live. I'm a survivor and in this for the long haul, but my life is so much fuller and richer than one characterized by simple survival. My life has a full head of steam, brimming with opportunities, and graced with wonderful relationships.

About a month ago, Will and I brought a new addition into our family when we got a puppy for my parents. Today, I played basketball for the first time since my surgery. Tomorrow, I go back to work at my beloved O'Melveny & Myers. In two weeks, Will and I close escrow on our first house (and what a house it is). And if Duke makes it to the Final Four, we'll be off to New Orleans at the end of the month.

No looking back, no fear, no anxiety, and no hesitation. Just a heart full of hope, a spirit ready and eager for everything that awaits, and a body that's built to last. Just life, full steam ahead.